The last month has probably been the best time for me...spiritually speaking, which couldn’t possibly happen if I was employed. We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. The “choice” of holding on to what little we had left was made for me. Augustine said, “Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.” I am just now beginning (and I emphasize beginning) to understand Piper’s foremost creed, “God is most glorified when we are satisfied in Him”. Frederick Faber says, “No one need to be poor, because, if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession.” Tozer writes, “Self can live unrebuked at the very altar...it seems actually to feed upon orthodoxy and is more at home in a Bible conference than in a tavern.” He continues, “God is so vastly wonderful, so utterly and completely delightful that He can, without anything other than Himself, meet and overflow the deepest demands of our total nature, mysterious and deep as that nature is. Such worship . . . can never come from a mere doctrinal knowledge of God. Hearts that are ‘fit to break’ with love for the Godhead are those who have been in the Presence and have looked with opened eye upon the majesty of Deity.”
All that to say, God’s prevenient working within me is filling my heart with a yearning to know Him more, with a renewed longing to see others know Him more and to tell others of the grace of God. My pastor, has started a new series on Moses and I was reminded of some verses in Hebrews 11 that brought me to my knees:
“Choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward . . . for he endured as seeing him who is invisible.” (vv. 25-27)
The picture of Moses, especially in Exodus 33 is one that I love. It epitomizes everything that was quoted above. Moses talks to God as two friends talk face to face and yet his prayer (v.13) is to know Him more, so that he may please Him more. I recognize that this period of job searching is a dangerous time for an out-of-work pastor. Many pastors leave the ministry, at such a time as this, never to return. I am thankful that He is drawing me to Himself, opening my eyes to the need and preparing me for the next steps. I pray, by His grace, that I will be found faithful.